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<?xml version="1.0" encoding="utf-8"?>
<jokes>
<joke><id>1</id>
<author>John Doe</author>
<date>01.01.2014</date>
<jokeText>This guy, about 40, walks into a bar and orders a drink. Then he pulls out a picture of a beautiful girl, about 20. He orders drink after drink after drink. Finally, the bartender asks why he's getting drunk
"I have to come home to this!'' the guy says, pointing to the picture of the beautiful girl.
"What's wrong with her?'' asks the bartender. ''She's beautiful and half your age!''
''Exactly. That's my daughter.''
</jokeText>
</joke>
<joke><id>2</id>
<author>John Doe</author>
<date>02.01.2014</date>
<jokeText>For a couple years I've been blaming it on iron poor blood, lack of vitamins, dieting and a dozen other maladies. Now I found out the real reason. I'm tired because I'm overworked.
The population of this country is 237 million. 104 million are retired. That leaves 133 million to do the work.
There are 85 million in school, which leave 48 million to do the work.
Of this, there are 29 million employed by the federal government.
This leaves 19 million to do the work.
Four million are in the Armed Forces, which leaves 15 million to do the work.
Take from the total the 14,800,000 people who work for State and City Government and that leaves 200,000 to do the work.
There are 188,000 in hospitals, so that leaves 12,000 to do the work.
Now, there are 11,998 people in Prisons. That leaves just two people to do the work.
You and me . . . and you're sitting there reading jokes.</jokeText>
</joke>
<joke><id>3</id>
<author>John Doe</author>
<date>03.01.2014</date>
<jokeText>Q: Why did the blonde put lipstick on her forehead? A: She was trying to make up her mind.</jokeText>
</joke>
<joke><id>4</id>
<author>John Doe</author>
<date>04.01.2014</date>
<jokeText>If you were a phaser, you'd be set on "stunning."</jokeText>
</joke>
<joke><id>5</id>
<author>John Doe</author>
<date>05.01.2014</date>
<jokeText>A blonde goes to an international message center to call her mother. When the man tells her it will be $300, she exclaims, "I don't have that kind of money, but I'll do ANYTHING to get a message to my mother." He tells the blonde to follow him and takes her into a back room. He unzips his pants and takes out his penis. The blonde gets on her knees, brings it toward her mouth and says, "Hello? Mom?"
</jokeText>
</joke>
<joke><id>6</id>
<author>John Doe</author>
<date>06.01.2014</date>
<jokeText>I seem to have lost my phone number. Could I have yours?</jokeText>
</joke>
<joke><id>7</id>
<author>John Doe</author>
<date>07.01.2014</date>
<jokeText>Forget "phooone hooome"--how about "phooone meeee?"</jokeText>
</joke>
<joke><id>8</id>
<author>John Doe</author>
<date>08.01.2014</date>
<jokeText>Why do elephants have four feet? Because six inches isn't enough!</jokeText>
</joke>
<joke><id>9</id>
<author>John Doe</author>
<date>09.01.2014</date>
<jokeText>Q: Why are blondes like pianos? A: Because when they're not upright, they're grand.</jokeText>
</joke>
<joke><id>10</id>
<author>John Doe</author>
<date>10.01.2014</date>
<jokeText>There was this one lady that bought a jar of pickles every week .So she puts the pickle in the hole on her floor and starts humping it then the mailman rings the doorbell and she gets up, kicks the pickle and gets the mail. The next day she does the same thing and screws the pickle. The mailman waits everyday, so he looks in the window and sees her screwing the pickle then he rings the doorbell.

The next day he gets a substitute to do his routes. So he goes in the lady's basement and paints his dick green. When she put the pickle in he takes it out and sticks his dick in and the lady doesn`t know it`s not the pickle so she just screws it. Later on the substitute mailman rings the doorbell and then the lady kicks the pickle and gets the mail.</jokeText>
</joke>
<joke><id>11</id>
<author>John Doe</author>
<date>11.01.2014</date>
<jokeText>There was a guy on the beach with about 25 gorgeous chicks swarming all around him.
Seeing this, a second guy strolls on up to him and asks, "What's your secret?"
The guy whispers, "All you gotta do is stick a pickle in your pants."

In a fluorish, the second guy runs off and stuffs a pickle in his pants. But when he returns to the shore, he soon discovers that every single girl that looks his way, runs off screaming in bloody terror. Confused, he hurries over to the first guyand desperately asks, "Why are all the girls running away from me?" The first guy looks up and replies, "The pickle's on the wrong side."
</jokeText>
</joke>
<joke><id>12</id>
<author>John Doe</author>
<date>12.01.2014</date>
<jokeText>Q: What's another name for pickled bread? A: Dill dough.</jokeText>
</joke>
<joke><id>13</id>
<author>John Doe</author>
<date>13.01.2014</date>
<jokeText>What do you get when you cross a pickle and a female deer? A dildo!</jokeText>
</joke>
<joke><id>14</id>
<author>John Doe</author>
<date>14.01.2014</date>
<jokeText>What is the difference between a pickpocket and a gynecologist? A pickpocket snatches watches and a gynecologist watches snatches.</jokeText>
</joke>
<joke><id>15</id>
<author>John Doe</author>
<date>15.01.2014</date>
<jokeText>Love's a sensation caused by temptation, a guy sticks his location in a girl's destination, to increase the population of the next generation. Do you understand my explanation? Or do you need a demonstration?
</jokeText>
</joke>
<joke><id>16</id>
<author>John Doe</author>
<date>16.01.2014</date>
<jokeText>1. Is it any coincidence that your blouse matches the color of my sheets?
2. Nice shoes, wanna screw?
3. The magic word for the day is legs. Want to get together later and spread the word?
4. I know 400 ways to make you squeal. I'm working on 401. Care to assist?
5. Guy: Would you be offended if I told you that your hair smells nice? Girl: Not at all. Guy: What if I was a midget?
</jokeText>
</joke
><joke><id>17</id>
<author>John Doe</author>
<date>17.01.2014</date>
<jokeText>A husband said to his wife, "I will take a photo of your breasts and frame it." The wife said to her husband, "I will take a photo of your penis and enlarge it."
</jokeText>
</joke>
<joke><id>18</id>
<author>John Doe</author>
<date>18.01.2014</date>
<jokeText>A city slicker went to the country to buy a pig. When he approached the pig farmer, he asked for a 25-pound pig. The pig farmer put the pig's tail in his mouth and bobbed his head up and down. He then told the city slicker that the pig was too heavy -- it was 30 pounds. The city slicker told the farmer he didn't believe that was the way to weigh pigs. The farmer called his son over and asked him to weigh the pig. The son put the pig's tail in his mouth, bobbed his head a couple of times and said the pig weighed 30 pounds. The city slicker said the farmer and his son were putting him on. The farmer told his son to go get his mother and have her come out and weigh the pig. The son went into the house and after a few minutes came out again.
"Mom's weighing the mailman."
</jokeText>
</joke>
<joke><id>19</id>
<author>John Doe</author>
<date>19.01.2014</date>
<jokeText>Chauvinist pig: a guy who hates every bone in a woman's body except his own.
</jokeText>
</joke>
<joke><id>20</id>
<author>John Doe</author>
<date>20.01.2014</date>
<jokeText>Once there was a guy that went in a whorehouse and says, “What can I get for five bucks?” The madam says, “Second door on the right and f**k whatever is there.” He goes, sees a pig, figured “Whaddya want for five bucks?” and f**ks it.
The next week he comes back and asks what he can get for $20. The madam says, “Second floor, second door on the right, watch what happens.” He goes in, sits down and looks down, he sees a glass floor with a view of a guy f**king a chicken on the first floor. He says to the man next to him, “Look at him with the chicken. That's crazy.” The guy responds, “You shoulda been here last week -- some guy was f**king a pig!”
</jokeText>
</joke>
<joke><id>21</id>
<author>John Doe 21</author>
<date>21.01.2014</date>
<jokeText>21 Once there was a guy that went in a whorehouse and says, “What can I get for five bucks?” The madam says, “Second door on the right and f**k whatever is there.” He goes, sees a pig, figured “Whaddya want for five bucks?” and f**ks it.
The next week he comes back and asks what he can get for $20. The madam says, “Second floor, second door on the right, watch what happens.” He goes in, sits down and looks down, he sees a glass floor with a view of a guy f**king a chicken on the first floor. He says to the man next to him, “Look at him with the chicken. That's crazy.” The guy responds, “You shoulda been here last week -- some guy was f**king a pig!”
</jokeText>
</joke>
<joke><id>22</id>
<author>John Doe 22</author>
<date>22.01.2014</date>
<jokeText>22 Once there was a guy that went in a whorehouse and says, “What can I get for five bucks?” The madam says, “Second door on the right and f**k whatever is there.” He goes, sees a pig, figured “Whaddya want for five bucks?” and f**ks it.
The next week he comes back and asks what he can get for $20. The madam says, “Second floor, second door on the right, watch what happens.” He goes in, sits down and looks down, he sees a glass floor with a view of a guy f**king a chicken on the first floor. He says to the man next to him, “Look at him with the chicken. That's crazy.” The guy responds, “You shoulda been here last week -- some guy was f**king a pig!”
</jokeText>
</joke>
<joke><id>23</id>
<author>John Doe 23</author>
<date>23.01.2014</date>
<jokeText>New 23 Once there was a guy that went in a whorehouse and says, “What can I get for five bucks?” The madam says, “Second door on the right and f**k whatever is there.” He goes, sees a pig, figured “Whaddya want for five bucks?” and f**ks it.
The next week he comes back and asks what he can get for $20. The madam says, “Second floor, second door on the right, watch what happens.” He goes in, sits down and looks down, he sees a glass floor with a view of a guy f**king a chicken on the first floor. He says to the man next to him, “Look at him with the chicken. That's crazy.” The guy responds, “You shoulda been here last week -- some guy was f**king a pig!”
</jokeText>
</joke>
<joke><id>24</id>
<author>John Doe 24</author>
<date>24.01.2014</date>
<jokeText>New 24 Once there was a guy that went in a whorehouse and says, “What can I get for five bucks?” The madam says, “Second door on the right and f**k whatever is there.” He goes, sees a pig, figured “Whaddya want for five bucks?” and f**ks it.
The next week he comes back and asks what he can get for $20. The madam says, “Second floor, second door on the right, watch what happens.” He goes in, sits down and looks down, he sees a glass floor with a view of a guy f**king a chicken on the first floor. He says to the man next to him, “Look at him with the chicken. That's crazy.” The guy responds, “You shoulda been here last week -- some guy was f**king a pig!”
</jokeText>
</joke>
</jokes>


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