Version 2007.11.05

## "Encounters With The Nagual" - ©2004 by Armando Torres
Part II. Warriors' Dialogue

### Believing Without Believing

I accepted the exercise because I found it inoffensive. For a couple of weeks, I was devoted to classifying everything with which I felt mentally identified. I hoped my inventory would be simple and clear, but I was soon surprised to find that an endless list of thought patterns appeared, sometimes not very coherent in relation to each other.

For example, one of my beliefs was that only when something can be proven and demonstrated can it be called 'certain'. At the same time, another of my beliefs was that a supreme reality, a divine being beyond all experimentation, exists. No matter how much I tried, I could not resolve that contradiction.

In the field of non-beliefs I also had my surprises. The most unpleasant was to discover the way a simple suggestion had blocked an enormous area of possibilities for me. When I began to investigate why it was not honestly possible for me to accept Carlos' statements regarding how, through dreams, you can access other real and complete worlds, I remembered that when I was a child and had a nightmare, my mother used to repeat the refrain of a children's story which said: "Dreams are just dreams."

When we met again, I gave Carlos a superficial account of the results of my investigations. He told me that it was enough: There was already sufficient material to attack the second part of the exercise. Then he suggested that I select the most important one of my beliefs, which served as a base to all the other ones, and stop believing it for a moment. I should do this with each one of them, according to their degree of importance.

"I assure you that it is not difficult!" he added, seeing my bewildered face. "And above all, it won't harm your faith. Remember, it is only an exercise."

I protested. In a decisive tone, I told him that the basis of my principles was my certainty that God exists, and that I was not willing to question it or even analyze that point.

"It is not true!" he screamed. "Your most ingrained conviction is that you are sinful and for that reason you are justified! You can make mistakes, squander your energy, and give in to anger, lasciviousness, whims and fear: After all, you are human, and God always forgives you!

"Don't fool yourself. Either you choose your belief, or it chooses you. In the first case, it is authentic. It is your ally. It sustains you, and it allows you to manipulate it at will. In the second case, it is an imposition and not worthwhile."

I replied that the exercise that he proposed- treating my faith as casually as a man changing his shirt - was not only blasphemous and mercenary, but the practice would probably end up throwing me into a state of internal confusion.

He observed:

"You don't have to be clear to enter the world of sorcerers!

"Our idea that truth goes hand-in-hand with clarity is a trap, because the spirit is too inaccessible to be understood with our fragile human mind. As you well know, the essence of religion is not clarity, but faith. However, faith is worth nothing in comparison with experience!

"Sorcerers are practical; from their point of view, what we believe or stop believing is absolutely irrelevant. The stories that we tell ourselves don't matter in the least: What matters is the spirit. When there is power, the content of the mind is something secondary. A sorcerer can be an atheist, or a believer; Buddhist, Muslim or Christian, and yet cultivate impeccability- which automatically brings him to power."

His words irritated me beyond reason. When I realized it, I was surprised to find how deeply the Catholic doctrines I learned during my childhood had penetrated. Now that Carlos questioned them, it felt as if he was unfairly robbing me of something very valuable.

He noticed my dilemma and began to laugh.

"Don't confuse things," he told me. "Religions are not remedies, but consequences of the pitiful state of awareness man is in. They are replete with good intentions, but very few people are prepared to fulfill them. If their commitment meant anything of real value, the world would be full of saints, not sinners!

"The moment ideologies- including nagualism- become widespread, they become cultural mafias; schools to make people sleepy. No matter how subtle their postulates are, and no matter how much they try to validate them with personal corroboration, they end up conditioning our actions according to some form of reward or punishment; and by doing that, they pervert the very essence of the search. If the pillar of my faith is a salary, what merit does it have?

"Sorcerers love the purity of the abstract. For them, the value of the path with heart is not so much where it takes us but how intensely we enjoy it. Faith certainly has value in an ordinary life, but it is useless against death. Our only hope when facing the inevitable is the warrior's path.

"Sorcerers call the ability to manipulate their mental attachments 'believing without believing'. They have perfected that art to the point where they can identify sincerely with any idea, live it, love it, and discard it if it comes to that, without remorse. And inside that freedom of choice, they ask sorcerers' questions. For example, why accept myself as a sinner, if I can be impeccable?"

After some resistance, I agreed with Carlos that there could not be anything wrong with subjecting my beliefs to a shake.

What I found to be the main effect of the technique of "believing without believing," was that it showed how incredibly fragile my catalog of ideas was. It was prone to disintegrate at the slightest blow. I understood why Don Juan claimed that the world we live in is a magic fabric; the magic of 'the first ring of power'.